I hear far too often the complaints from men and what their women won’t do or give them. It’s an easy conversation to get caught up in if you’re not careful.
It’s far too easy to highlight the shortcomings of an individual, especially when you have an intimate relationship with them and see all their flaws daily. If you’re not careful you may start to covet. The grass may start appearing greener everywhere you look.
What life has shown me is the problem is always me.
I’m not saying this to make my wife appear as perfect, I’m saying this because a good woman will always give back to you more than you have given to her.
As a man, my job is to make sure I’m continually making deposits into her life. You never want to run the risk of driving your relationship bankrupt due to excessive withdrawals with no deposits.
Now…I’m not saying this will be immediate. Every deposit should be looked at as an investment. Some returns will be instantaneous, some you will have to wait a while. But you will get a great return.
This way of thinking may be a paradigm shift for a lot of married men reading this. It’s definitely a tough pill to swallow. But when I put this into practice in my marriage I saw nothing but positive results. When I continually assessed my input with respect to the output I was always presented with personal adjustments I needed to make.
It kept me from blaming her, which led to a lot of resentment and bitterness, and challenged me to change in order to receive the change I desired. This is what happens when a man takes responsibility over his own life.
Again, this did not happen overnight. Not in my wife and definitely not within myself. But as I continued to work on it the return became obvious. This is a trait of a real man. Someone who is willing to work on himself before he requires change from others.
When a real man is in place in the home it provides a woman with a healthy environment in which to operate. It is such an environment that will bring out the best in your wife. When she is feeling loved, secure and protected there is a different level of willingness and giving you tap into.
Your relationship catapults to a whole “nother” level.
So here is a list of 10 things I believe every good woman will do when a man decides to step up and be a real man in the household.
NOTE: This is not a comprehensive list of all that a woman will do and they are not listed in any particular order.
1. Respect you.
This is huge. I’ve found that I value respect over sex (shocking right?!). But it’s true. If I’m not feeling respected in my own home it’s hard for me to tap into the level of intimacy my wife desires. Sure we can lay down like a couple of animals and perform the act, but it would be nothing more than that without respect in place. When I’m not feeling respected it’s harder to focus at work, it’s easy to lose track of the purpose of why I’m working so hard, and it makes me feel like my contribution isn’t enough. All of which override my sexual need. Respect is that important and a good woman will give it to you. It won’t happen over night, but as time goes on and you continue to take care of your family it will happen.
2. Listen to you.
A good woman will listen to both your instruction and your emotion. Since men are natural fixers we long for our instruction on topics to be heard. We value our input and feel that it will always make a situation better. We also have an ego that is in constant need of stroking. A good woman will do this in a healthy way. She will also listen to your heart when you are burdened or overwhelmed. She will hear what your saying and what you’re not and provide a safe haven for you to detox.
3. Make sure you are fed.
Notice I didn’t say “cook for you”. Not all women have the ability to cook, but EVERY woman has the ability to make sure her husband is fed.
4. Take care of the kids.
The last thing a man needs to worry about while he’s out working and providing for his family is if his kids are okay. There is a level of comfort that comes with knowing that there is nothing to worry about on the home front because Momma has it all under control.
5. Follow you.
God gives man the vision for the family. It is his job to effectively communicate to his wife. Remember, communication is only established when understanding is reached. Once a good woman understands where you are taking the family she WILL follow you.
6. Support you.
Even when you’re wrong a good woman will support you. There was a time when I was starting my business with nothing working and I had literally spent all of our money chasing this dream of entrepreneurship. Guess what?…my wife still supported me. She never gave up on me and she always encouraged me to keep doing what God called me to do. Eventually I realized I needed to make an adjustment (and I did), but it was her support in those tough times that kept me going.
7. Make love to you (all the time).
No exaggeration here. When a woman is taken care of she has absolutely no problem taking care of her man. I’m not talking about a quickie her and there. I’m talking about mind blowing love making sessions that you dream about the next day at work. Love making sessions that have you thinking about her in the middle of a watching a playoff game with the fellas. A good woman will have a genie like response to your request for love making. Your wish becomes her command. This alone should be encouragement enough for a lot of you men reading to step it up at home.
8. Pray for you.
Never underestimate the power of a praying spouse. A good woman will never turn down prayer time. She will lay hands on you while you sleep and speak life over you when you are gone.
9. Cheer for you.
As I mentioned before men have egos that need to be stroked. Men need to be cheered on as we work hard towards accomplishing goals. Every man looks to his wife for approval of how good of a job he is doing. A good wife will pick up her Pom Poms everyday and make sure you know that you are the MVP of the home.
10. Believe in you.
At some point you will have a dream. Something that requires you to step out on faith and leave the realm of comfort. There is no greater feeling than to know that your wife believes in you. It aids you to push past all the “no’s” and pursue the one “yes” you need to change your life.
There’s the list gentlemen. If you find yourself lacking in any of those areas and would like to see great improvement…check yourself. Make sure you are handling your side of things.
An easy way is to determine if your presence as a man in the home is effective is to simply ask your wife how you are doing and if there is anything you can improve on for her. However, brace yourself for the feedback you may receive. A lot of times the definition of doing a good job will differ between man and woman,
The list in this post is the lot of a real man in the home. Don’t expect any of this if you are not willing to put in the work and lead your family correctly. Don’t complain about a lack of anything on this list if you are not willing to be the first to change.
Let’s challenge each other to man up and stop being so routine with our relationships. Our women (and society) are in need of men who are willing to lead in the name of love. So let’s throw away all the excuses and remove the pride and decide to be real men in our households. I’m ready…are you?
Sooooo…what did you think of “the list”? Did you strongly agree or disagree? Would love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comments area below…